Adventures in Heterosexual Privilege

As a feminist woman, I'm quite aware of the workings and consequences of male privilege. It's easier, however, to note privilege when you're not a member of the group being privileged.

Last year, I took a job working in the field of Women's and Gender studies. I knew this meant that when the inevitable "so what do you do for a living" conversation appeared, I would be judged accordingly, many people being heartily discomfited by us vicious, humorless feminists. (And I can't tell you how many times I've gotten "but you don't seem like a feminist." You mean I don't seem like the false construction of a feminist, friends, because Rush Limbaugh's hate speech isn't a true definition of what feminists are, or believe. I need one of those 'this is what a feminist looks like' t-shirts...) I was less aware, however, about another way in which people would judge me. A story:

I was out with some friends, and one of these friends was telling an older woman of her acquaintance that I'd just gotten a new job in Women's and Gender studies. The older woman congratulated me, and then began that favorite past time women are compelled to participate in: body snarking. She was complaining about how old and ugly she was (which was odd--we'd just met) and I of course engaged in that other past time women are compelled to do: making her feel better. I said "Girl, you're looking fine." I expected either a dismissal (no, no, I'm hideous, etc) or a laugh, but what I got was an abject look of terror. She froze, brought her hand to her throat, muttered something about men, and ran away. I was totally confused about what had just happened, until I realized that she thought I was hitting on her. Women's and Gender Studies = Gay Feminazi.

I started laughing, because I don't care if people think I'm gay, and I found it ludicrous that this woman would think I was hitting on her. However, it suddenly struck me that this was not so funny, and that if it weren't for my heterosexual privilege (i.e. if I had said, "oh, honey, I'm not gay," we would've had a laugh about that miscommunication and she wouldn't have been horrified by me) I'd feel like shit. I was embarrassed that I'd never really examined this privilege before, as I don't think that you need to be part of an oppressed group to appreciate the challenges they face. It must be fucking awful to have people think you're a sexual predator just because you identify as Queer--there was fear in that woman's eyes as she ran away from me (and not to brag or anything, but she'd be pretty damn lucky to land me--I'm a catch, people). It's never assumed that a heterosexual person will be attracted to every person of the opposite sex, and yet often these same heterosexual folks assume that gay men are attracted to ALL MEN and lesbians are attracted to ALL WOMEN. And those queers, well, who even knows, right? So depressing.

What I learned from all this is that even those of us who examine power structures (including privilege) as part of our day to day work can still benefit from the cliched "Putting yourself in someone else's shoes." Before this incident, if someone had said to me "you don't understand the benefits you gain merely by being straight" I would've been insulted, thinking "of course I know--I study this!" But I didn't completely understand, and being progressive doesn't give one a pass for ignorance. No one likes being called out on things like privilege, and while it's easy to get defensive, it's better to listen, and to engage in some serious self-reflection.

What's up, babycakes? Emailing with the Womance

Lily Pistil:
So terrifying, I had to share... as you scroll down, it just keeps getting worse...
http://jezebel.com/#!5754286/these-sexy-womb-cakes-will-haunt-you

Lady Perriwhig:

I think this is what put the 'problem' in 'the problem of other minds'...

This is not real.

Kitty Carney:
They are all the worst one. Okay the one womb with a view one is the worst one, but the others are also the worst one.

Dr. Villanelle:

MY EEEEYYYYEEESSSS!! MY EYES!!!

I'm going to go cry in a corner now and never even *think* the word "womb" every again...

ever.

Lady Perriwhig:

wombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwomb

wombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwombwomb

womb

etc.


Kitty Carney:
hahahah Lady Perriwhig totally beat me. I had all the wombs typed out and everything.


Lily Pistil:
So weird. That's just what this headache I've had all day sounds like.... wombwombwombwombwombwomb...

Maybe my body is telling me to eat a cake fetus suspended in jello.

Lady Perriwhig:
Are you sure it's a headache? Maybe you should look south...

Lily Pistil:
I'm not sure I can bend that way. I will have to break out the hand-mirror.

deejay.telepathic:
Oh man I miss the most glorious threads while I am at work. I am forwarding this to everyone I know who has passed a human through her vagina.

Lady Perriwhig:
Only the ones who've passed humans? So exclusionary!

Lily Pistil:
Yeah! What about my alien baby!?!?